Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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