i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
