Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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