you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
