Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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