We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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