whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
