I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
