Don't you send me to vm
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
