My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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