i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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