But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
