I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
