I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
