I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
