At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
