Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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