dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
