My hand turned me down
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize