When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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