But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
