I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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