I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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