sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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