Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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