I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
