You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize