Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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