Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
