saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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