so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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