if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
