Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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