got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
