Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
third nipple confirmed
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
