Where is the hickey?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
