I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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