I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
