If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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