My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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