dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
