whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
