whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
