Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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