I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
