Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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