i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
