I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
