mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
