All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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