did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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