the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
