I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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