Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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