YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
