I think I won the penis lottery.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
