Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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