i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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