Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
