i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
