one might say we're banned from that church
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
