and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
