Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
