When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
