I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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