I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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