Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
