Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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