Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This toilet bowl is my home.
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