it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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